Oh Joan Allen, how I love thee. You are talented and beautiful and poised, and I suspect you can both solve trigonometry problems in your head and prepare roasted goose from scratch. So why, pray tell, are you appearing in Death Race as a warden running the "worst and toughest for-profit prison in the country" where your claim to fame is creating "the country's most popular pay-per-view sport, a kill-or-be-killed car race where the inmates race to win their freedom from prison after 5 wins?" Why? Did you lose a drinking game with your agent? Was the contract for Death Race erroneously attached to the end of the script for The Bourne Complacency (in which Jason Bourne decides he's tired of running and settles down in the suburbs, only to fight a nasty invasion of crab grass)? Why aren't you playing Mrs. Fitzgerald in My Sister's Keeper? There is no Upside to my Anger. I am no longer in Pleasantville. Maybe you could jump into one of those monster vehicles from Death Race and barrell your way into the set of My Sister's Keeper and wrench the role away from Cameron Diaz. Now that's something I'd like to see.
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